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WRITER OF THE YEAR 2004

 

As Voted By The Readers Of The Wrestling Fan.com
Sean Carless

 

The funny thing about winning this Award is that my intention was to step aside and allow someone else to get the honors in the event that I won. Now, don't get me wrong, a part of me really wanted to actually win this, but truth be told, I thought it would be awkward to accept the Award because A) I'm the head of the site, and B) What really would stop me from just giving myself the Award? It wasn't until after the poll had closed and I revealed my intention to forfeit the Award, that my good friend Harry (Whom came in 2nd place and thus would be the recipient) talked me out of it, reminding me that by ducking out of the competition, I'd be doing a disservice to the readers who voted in the poll and chose whom they wanted.

 

So, with that said, and with a heavy heart, and a pained pancreas (Tm. Cactus Jack), I accept this Award... that I created(!) but dedicate it to the REAL winners in my opinion, My Staff of Loyal and Talented writers for whom they couldn't have done it without me.....oh wait, that didn't come out right....

 

But seriously, we have the greatest and most talented writing staff (and Canadian Bacon) in the world, as some of the best young writers from the web, and other veterans of the IWC, have over time joined our crusade to alienate good taste, and you know, working with their creative minds has been a blast. Spooning their asses while they've been drunk has also been a blast, but that's a tale for a different day.

 

And finally, thanks to YOU, the readers, who in the last 18 months have turned this site from 3rd rate Tripod page, to a cult favorite on the web with your insatiable appetite for me making light of about every atrocity in wrestling today. Without you, I'd probably be doing something meaningful with my life....like getting paid...or not being an alcoholic. So thanks for that (I think).

 

All these things make giving up my social life and handcuffing my soul to this infernal machine worth while. (And to think I just came online for the porn a few years ago!) So, I will always appreciate this day, and every time I look at the glorious smiling visage of Mike Tenay glistening down upon me from my mantle, I'll think of you all. Then I'll go back to masturbating.

 

Sean Carless.

 
*Thank you to Harry, Michael and Dr. Gonzo for the following well-wishes.
 
Harry Simon: Friends, I'd like to talk about my pal Sean Carless. The Picasso of Photoshop. The Sultan of satire. A convicted sex offender. Yes, all of these things accurately describe Sean. But there's more to it than this.

Sean is a guy who thinks nothing of sitting in front of a computer all night editing text, re-formatting columns, and sneaking typos into my columns.

Sean is the only guy in the world I can e-mail at 2am saying, "Dude, I've got a kick-ass idea!! I'm gonna need a photoshop of Andre The Giant, a large jar of peanut butter, and several midget prostitutes line dancing on the Titanic as it crashes into Stephanie McMahon's ass!" And dammit if Sean doesn't whip it up for me, with Freddie Blassie reading "Bazooms" brilliantly slipped into the background.

Then the next day, I'll e-mail him again saying, "Dude, I've got a better idea!!! Scrap the Andre pic. Now I'm gonna need Mick Foley giving a cheesy 'thumbs-up' sign from under Vince McMahon's desk while a naked Vince has a look of euphoria on his face. Then put the desk on a train being driven by Bob Holly (in 1994 'Sparky Plugg' outfit) and crash it into Stephanie McMahon's ass!"

I guess what I'm saying is that it's a miracle the guy hasn't killed me by now. But seriously, this site is a product of Sean's blood, sweat, tears, and other bodily fluids too horrible to be mentioned amongst polite company. He's always looking for ways that he (and we) can keep topping ourselves, in terms of content, and other wacky ways to look at our favorite fake-sport.

Back when I wrote trivia for WrestlingObserver.com, I got several invites to write for other sites. I'd usually check out various sites mailed to me out of courtesy, then reply with a polite "Thanks, but no thanks. Your site sucks and you suck for making it." But when I first clicked that link to TWF, what welcomed me?

The picture of the infamous "Jim Ross kisses Vince's ass" moment, adorned with the caption, "WWE Creative Meeting." Upon scrolling down, I saw a topless Torrie with Billy Kidman nipple-clips, and a petition that begged "Help us send Nathan Jones back to jail!"

It was about this time Lex Luger's dumbass girlfriend choked to death while Lex was laughing at a "Teletubbies" rerun.

So I figured "What the hell," and sent Sean my horribly offensive "Lex Luger's Choke-tastic Trivia" pack. To my surprise, he posted it. Sucker! Complete with a needle-riddled Lex in all his flexing glory.

It was then and there I said to myself, "Tasteless humor encouraged? I'm home." As the months rolled on, I took fulll advantage of TWF's limitations on creativity (there ain't none). Stuff like "Writer's Court" and "Recapitation" were ideas that were lurking around in my head for years, but I couldn't find a site worth unleashing them on...until now.

Sean is the little devil on your shoulder, egging you on. "Go ahead. Talk about what kind of produce you'd like to use on Trish Stratus...and where. Reviewing Misawa-Kawada matches is for pussies!"

And you know what? He's right. No one deserves this award more. Sean IS "The Wrestling Fan," both in theory and in practice.
 
 
 
 
Michael Melchor: Sean may feel a little odd about winning this, but in all honesty he shouldn't. Throughout the year, the man has kicked ass and taken names not only in writing the Back Leg Frontkick, but also in turning TWF.com into a household name.

Sean's columns are about the funniest thing on the web. Take a good look at his year-end piece where he runs down (and I do mean DOWN) all the happenings of 2004. A lot of it had me on the floor laughing, but then that's no surprise; Sean can pull out some awesome references and turn the worst angle into the most hilarious mental picture you'll have all week.

Sean's not only a stand-up comedian waiting to happen, though. The man is even MORE awesome when he gets serious. During the Bret Hart/Ric Flair controversy,. Sean saw fit to respond with one of the best tributes I've seen to ANYone. Sean took on the subject of a Bret Hart career retrospective as his answer and did the Hitman more justice than even the city of Calgary could.

As for TWF.com, when the year began the site was known to a select few who were on the web more than pictures of Janet Jackson's tit. Now, after being recognized by such luminaries as 411 Wrestling and The Wrestling Blog, TWF has seen its audience grow. It also helps that the man knows how to pick talent and lets them grow at their own pace - not unlike Paul Heyman did with ECW all those years ago.

Except this time, TWF shouldn't be overrun by bankruptcy issues (not like any of us get paid as it is) and "talent raids". TWF should be the internet's version of what ECW COULD have been - and Sean Carless will be the guy with the Kool Aid leading the charge.

Thanks again, Sean, for giving myself and so many other terrific writers a home we can call our own. I'm glad you took home the Golden Tenay and I look forward to seeing you attempt to pull a repeat this time next year.
 
MM

 
Dr. Gonzo: What can I say that hasn't already been said by MM, Harry, and defense attorney's the world over? Sean Carless is the man responsible for the single most creative site in IWC history. And while I may step on toes by saying that, I do not back down from it. MM's connection to this site as ECW is absolutely dead on, and something I have told Sean privately for a while. In an era where there are the big two battling it out, Sean has put together a site that is more entertaining than them both. He is the IWC's mad scientist, having the ability to create and craft such masterful works you constantly ask yourself, "Why didn't I think of that, damnit!" He can make you laugh, but at the same time be incredibly poignant, something that most writers, including myself, have a hard time doing.

I also owe my writing career to this man. And before all of you who despise me send hate mail to the man, I must bow down and thank Sean for my second wind in the IWC. A year ago, after my fallout at 411, and after only posting one column there, I was unceremoneously fired without being officially fired. Sean had the human decency to write me, and this is only after posting one pretty mediocre column, and check up on my situation. He even offered to find out what happened. On top of all this, he offered me a job at his new site, as one of the gang. If it wasn't for Sean I would be gone from writing in the IWC, and I would not have been able to craft a niche of sorts. Sean went out of his way to make me welcome, and does so to all of his writers. He is constantly there to offer advice, jokes about Pat Patterson, and a hilarious photoshop pic that blows your entire column out of the water.

Like Paul Heyman, he gives us free reign on our gimmicks and columns. All Sean asks in return, however, is that we respect the site. This site IS Sean Carless, however, and anyone who does it a dishonor, does so to one of the top writers on the net.

The readers have spoken and have shown their respect to not only a great writer, but a humble one as well. I gladly applaud Sean on his well deserved victory and look forward to a bright future on this site, side by side with the most talented group of satirical misfits in the IWC, and stick the Golden Tenay Straight Up Pat Patterson's Ass, while being led by one of the most twisted minds I have ever met. And that is the biggest compliment I can give him. Congrats, Sean.

 

-POLL RESULTS-

 

1st Place: Sean Carless: 31.8% of the Vote.

2nd Place: Harry Simon 21.8% of the Vote.

3rd Place: Canadian Bacon(?!) 18.2% of the Vote.

 

Others: 28% of the Vote.

Total Votes counted: 6601

*For the sake of egos I've opted to not post the other votes.

However, for those staff members still interested in their standing, email me and I'll send it to you.

 

Readers can send their comments here

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).